My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
