he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
