im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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