Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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