There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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