i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
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