eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
