quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
