i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
