My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
