$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We are all done wearing pants today
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
