My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
