im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
