D3 body, D1 cock
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How many fucks given?
0.12846
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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