it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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