I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
