soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
