I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
