Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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