As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
