I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
