Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
