so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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