Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
