saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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