My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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