i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
