very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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