she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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