I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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