Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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