Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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