i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
