ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
