Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
