i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
