you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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