taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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