Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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