Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
