I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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