My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So here I am, sexting at work.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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