My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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