well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
