just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
