i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
