you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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