Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
