I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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