I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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