dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
