Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
