Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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