college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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