Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
