i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize