It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
