GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Randomize
