I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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