I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize