plz talk dirty to me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
