Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
