I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
