im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if only i could text you this smell
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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