so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
is wine microwaveable?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
