Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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