Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
