My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
