I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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