and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
