oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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