you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
