have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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