i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
