Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
