wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
