Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just google imaged poop.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
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there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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