I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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