I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
