When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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