Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
