I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
